Bend it like Bikram?

So, the last few weeks at yoga, there's been a new teacher.  She doesn't teach every day, but it seems like she's been given a regular spot in the schedule.  This change has really thrown me out of my Savasana comfort zone.  First of all, the new teacher apparently did not get the memo about my inability to speak Korean.  She starts the class off with a long series of meditation poses, but she wants us to do the whole thing with our eyes closed.  I obviously don't understand the verbal cues, so have to keep opening my eyes to check what everyone else is doing.  She does NOT like this!  Every time she catches me peeking, she rushes over to show me how to close my eyes.  Like, she physically puts her fingers on my eyelids to close them.

Secondly, this new teacher seems to take my inflexibility as a personal affront. As if it's seriously offensive that I can't do the splits (I'll be honest, I'm not even CLOSE).  She spends most of the class time "adjusting" my body in the poses.  Like using her entire body weight to push my limbs into incredibly uncomfortable positions.  Or kneeling me in the neck while yanking my shoulders back.  Or, (personal favorite) grabbing hold of both butt cheeks and pushing on my hips.  There is just no shyness about it!  And it's borderline violent!  I leave her class in pain, annnnnnd super duper stretched out.  But, maybe too stretched out.  Because this morning at work, responding to Aiden's "Can I get a lift, please?" (What?  So I'm teaching them to be good hitch hikers travelers!)  I picked him up and felt my left shoulder pop.  Almost dropped the kid, and now haven't been able to lift that arm above 90 degree.  Definitely not a good thing!

At least tonight, the class is "Healing Yoga".

If only she were this gentle. 

At least THIS isn't happening to me!