Bumbling Idiots are People Too

So I was in Seoul today, heading to the great palace of Gyeongbokgung, when I was approached on the street by a man wearing a big, grey, bathrobe.  'New York Julia' emerged, and I immediately put on my 'bus face.'  Unfortunately, my bus face did nothing to deter this man; he was on a mission to talk to me.  

"Hello. How do you do?"  He puts his hand on my arm, just to make sure I don't bolt.  "Umm, I'm doing alright... How are you?"  I reply cautiously.  "Good, gooooood!  Where you from? I'm from Busan, where you from?"  "Me?" (I don't know why I ask this, clearly he's talking to me).  "Yes, yes! Where you from?"  As this exchange continues, other people on the street stop what they're doing to watch.  Someone even pulls out a camera to take a picture of us.  I tell this man I'm from the United States ("Oh! Los Angeles!") and that I'll be teaching in Korea for a year("Oh! I need English teacher!").  He tells me over and over again that he hopes I'm enjoying Korea, and that he wants to welcome me to his country.  By now, I've started to warm up to this guy, although I still have no idea why he's talking to me.  Quite the crowd has gathered around us and I'm feeling a bit of stage fright.  Trying to flee the situation, I stammer something about how I "really should be going, as I want to get to the Palace before it closes." He's says ok, wishes me well, and then, as he's walking away, finishes the conversation with "Oh, you know I'm a Buddhist monk, yes?"  No.  No, I did not know that. As he leaves, the crowd disperses, and I'm left standing there feeling like an idiot.  How was I supposed to know he was a Buddhist monk? (oh! so that wasn't a bathrobe!)  And, even with that knowledge, how would that have changed our interaction? To be honest, I probably would have been just as awkward even if I had known he was a monk.  Also, what was with the cameras?  

Now, I don't really have anything insightful to say about this conversation.  But all day long, my mind kept going back to it and I'd have a good chuckle all over again.  And it got me thinking about some of the other people I've met and interactions I've had with them since moving here... 

Allow me to introduce you to Cleaning Lady... In the beginning, Cleaning Lady and I had a great relationship.  When I saw her at the school, she'd smile and bow and then rub her belly and mime as if she were eating a lot.  I'd laugh and smile and nod as I repeated the gestures, as if to say 'Yes! I DO eat a lot!'  I'd sometimes see her on my walk to school, and she'd always bow the deepest bow ever when she saw me. Seriously, she'd bow as she was walking, and everytime, I'd get really worried that she might knee herself in the face.  It was excessive.  Especially since I'm so uncomfortable with the bowing thing, so I'd always be doing a hand wave/head nod combo.  Then, one night while I was out on a run, I saw Cleaning Lady getting out of a van with other cleaning ladies.  I did a quick wave as I ran by, but didn't take the time to stop.  Boy, was that a mistake.  When I saw her the next day at school, instead of our normal laugh-y joke-y greeting, she pushed me out of her way with the vacuum cleaner, and slammed the office door.  Literally, she pushed me.  Maybe she just didn't want any of the candy I was offering her.  Or maybe she's really mad that I didn't show her the proper respect.  Either way, she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

And then there's Yoga Teacher... Yoga Teacher is one of my favorite people.  First of all, she has an insane amount of patience.  Her life would be so much easier if she could just teach her yoga class in peace.  Instead, she's got this buffoon, showing up everyday, that she's got to worry about.  Does she let her frustration with my inflexibility show? No, she does not.  She understands that I don't understand a word she says, so she demonstrates all the postures for me.  Thank you, Yoga Teacher.  I would like to say, though, that I did manage to make Yoga Teacher laugh last week.  My rendition of one of the postures was soo horrible (I basically looked like a beached whale, wildly flailing on my yoga mat), that she started laughing, then quickly  gestured at me to stop what I was doing.   

Gas Station Attendant Lady....  This lady works long, long hours.  I mean, looooooonnnng.  Everyday on the way to work, I walk by the gas station.  Gas Station Attendant Lady never fails to run out of her little house, yelling 'Hi! Hiiiiii!" while waving frantically.  I also see her every night when I go running, and then she runs out of her house yelling 'Hi! Hiiiiiiiii!" while doing exaggerated running motions.  That's pretty much the extent of our relationship.  But it's meaningful.  When she's not there, I worry. 

Train Man...  So I've only met this guy once, but our meeting has left a lasting impression upon me.  I was standing on the subway platform, waiting for a train to come when an old man turned around, 'shushed' me, and said "SILENT, please!"  Hm, ok.  Direct, and polite.  I will no longer talk in public. 

....So I spent the day wandering the palace grounds and the surrounding neighborhoods.  I was thinking about the monk, and the different people I've met here, and the different people I've met all over the world, and how we're all just people, trying to get along, trying to make it in this big, scary, place. I started getting all sentimental, thinking to myself, why did I ever need to use my 'bus face'?  And before that thought even had a chance to solidify, some toothless man popped up in front of me, "Hi! Welcome to Seoul!" Oh, yeah.  That's why I use my bus face.


As a side note: This weekend was the first time that I've gotten out by myself.  It was glorious.  Up until now, I've had plenty of alone time (you know, those ten hours a day when I'm not working).  But every time I'd gone out it had been with other people.  And don't get me wrong, they're great.  But there's something really liberating about wandering around a city of ten million people by yourself.  I love it.  

Adventures in Eating

Alright, so I guess I had a few people worried with my previous post....  Seriously guys, I'm OK.  No need to have some sort of intervention, where you fly over here and forcefully remove me from Asia (mom and dad, I know you were considering it).


I may have been a little bit dramatic.


I actually managed to make some fun friends (yay!) who I will write about more in a future post, cuz I just don't have the time right now (I have plans to go hang out with said friends).  But I did want to share a classic 'Julia Moment' from yesterday.  


So, myself and three other white people were hanging out in Seoul yesterday, in a neighborhood called Insadong.  Insadong is a huge market area with ceramics, paintings, jewelry, and food.  Lots and LOTS of food.  Street carts selling all kinds of fried pastries and meat stews  and all kinds of unidentifiable stuff.  If you've ever travelled with me (or probably, if you've ever spent any amount of time with me) you know how much I LOVE eating.  Luckily, my new friends share my enthusiasm for food!  So, we spent some time perusing the snack selection on the streets, and after getting our fill of that, decided that 'Yep!  We still have room for a full meal!"


So, we find a restaurant and order some sort of beef thing, which was awesome. It came with a million little side dishes (spicy seaweed, kimchi, pickled yellow radish, 'coleslaw', fish cakes, etc).  It also came with some full, raw peppers.  I thought they looked pretty spicy, so of course dared Stephen to try one.  He said, 'No way, but I double dog dare YOU to try one."  Which, of course, I couldn't refuse.  So the next time the waiter came over, I asked him if either of the two peppers (one red, one green) was spicy, and he told me that "no, actually sweet peppers. very delicious!"  


He walks away, and I proceed to take a huge bit out of the green one.  No more then five seconds later the waiter comes running back through the restaurant "Noooo!  I ask chef!  He say 'very hot! VERY HOT!' I soooo sorry!"  Yes. It is very, very hot.  In fact, my whole face and mouth and throat are a burning inferno of hot. The poor waiter felt so bad.  


Next time, I'll get a second opinion.

Nothing Good Happens in This Chapter

Watch this video:

That's basically what my Sunday looked like.  Except my crying points were things like, "Everyone in Asia thinks I'm a freak!  Nobody will talk to me! I'm not making any friends! Waah Wahhhhhhhhhh"

I talked to my parents for the first time since arriving here, and let me tell you, I really let the waterworks fly!  What a surprise that was to me, because, as most of you know, I generally don't believe in 'feelings'. So, when it turns out that I have them, well, that's a shocker.  

So I spent most of the day laying in bed with a humongo pile of chocolates, watching The Daily Show on my computer and eating myself into a chocolate coma.  You're probably thinking, Julia how is this any different then 'Monday Night Snack Night'???  And, well, it's not.  Except that I didn't have a Dominoes pizza too. 

After regaining consciousness, I gave myself a little pep talk.  It basically went like this: "Get it together, Julia.  Yes, chocolate covered almonds are delicious.  You didn't have to destroy that 2 pound container of them." Hmm, point taken, Mr. Brain.  

I got up, did some dishes, started the laundry, swept the floor, organized my table, you know all those things you do when you can't find anything else more fun to do.  Then, I decided to do a bit of reading.  (side note: I LOVE my new Kindle -thanks, mom!)  I'm reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, by Haruki Marukami.  It's basically the story of an unemployed guy who loses his cat. The chapter that I was reading introduced a new character, Lieutenant Mamiya.  This guy's story is that while on a mission for the Japanese military, he was captured by the Mongolian army.  He then was forced to watch as his commander was killed by being skinned alive. And then the Mongolian's took him out into the middle of the desert and forced him to jump into a very deep, dried-up well.  He broke his leg and was injured in other ways, but survived his fall.  However, he was trapped at the bottom of a well in the middle of the desert.  And his only friend was the skeleton of some animal that had died in there!  And at this point in the story I was thinking, "Yeeeaah, I can totally relate!  Being in Heung-deok is just like being trapped at the bottom of a well in the desert!  Except, I'm lucky enough to have a friend that's alive."  

And then I keep reading (I know, right, who READS this stuff! how depressing) and find out that the Lieutenant gets rescued from the well(yay!), taken to a hospital(thank goodness!), and then once healed, sent back to war(wait, what?!).  And THEN, he gets captured again, and spends twelve years as a prisoner of war.  During this time, his family thinks he's died, and so his girlfriend marries someone else.  Then, his parents and his sister die in Hiroshima. Oh, and at some point he lost his left hand.  Okay. So it's not the most uplifting story ever.  But, it did make me feel better about my life.  I wouldn't say that this was schadenfreude, necessarily. It's not like I'm happy these horrible things happened to this guy.  But it sure makes me feel that 'being a little lonely' and 'not understanding what the menu says' seem like pretty minor issues, in the grand scheme of things.

The next chapter in this book is called "Nothing Good Happens in this Chapter".  I really don't know how things in this guys life can get any worse.

We're not in Kansas anymore...or are we?

Underwhelmed. 


If I were expressing my feelings with an emoticon, it would be looking back and forth and shrugging. Meh. underwhelmed. Even as I type that, the voice in my head is screaming "No! Not underwhelmed! Bored! You're BORED!" Okay, okay! This is a no judgement zone; I'll admit it: I'm bored.


I know what you're thinking, ok? "Julia! Are you fucking kidding me! You moved by yourself to a new home, in a new country where you don't speak the language, to start a new job... and you're BORED?!?! What the hell is wrong with you!??! You crazy- " Woah woah woah, hold on to your outraged horses, and give me a chance to explain myself.


Now, I'll be the first to admit that I don't know a lot about history. But I've read some stuff in books, and I can say with some amount of certainty, that Korea has one. And along with their history is tied an interesting and complicated culture.  What I'm wondering is, where is this culture??  And you're probably thinking, Jesus H. Chrysler, Julia.  Open your eyes.  And I'll tell ya right now, they are open.  And they're looking at a brand new LG refrigerator.  And I'm wondering, why is that refrigerator making SUCH a loud noise?? Unless it's actually producing ice cream in that freezer, that grinding sound should not be coming from that appliance.  No wonder this has been the Office Mystery of the Week.


Back to my point (as if I ever had one).... I came to Korea expecting to be blown away with how different and strange and foreign it is.  I wanted to be able to feast on dog, and go to a Buddhist temple and get a new soul (according to that Mayan Shaman, I am in dire need of a replacement).  Instead, I look around, and I've got EMart, and Cafe Bene, and Zoo Coffee, and Holly's Coffee, and Tom 'n Toms Coffee, and Flower Garden Cafe, and Paris Baguette.  And, I tell ya what, a 'Cafe Americano' is the same wherever you go.  If you dug this city up, put it on an extra wide flat bed truck and shipped it to Nebraska, it wouldn't look a bit out of place.   


So, what am I trying to say? I guess I wasn't expecting to end up in such a... sterile environment.  But then I guess the source of my issues isn't necessarily this environment, but my expectations.  Maybe I'm too culturally insensitive and dense to perceive the subtle nuances that make this culture exciting and unique.  Perhaps the year in Central and South America dulled my senses.  Perhaps, unless I'm being hit by a neon-colored, reggaeton blaring chicken bus, I can't recognize culture.  




Seriously, though. What's a girl gotta do to get some deep fried puppy up in this joint?

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Sooo a few weeks ago, I started having the nightmares again.  You know, the ones filled with balls of fire flying through the air, children with pencils stabbed through their faces, chaos everywhere you look, and the screaming.  Oh god, the screaming.  Children screaming, adults screaming, everybody having something to yell about.

I'd wake up, drenched in sweat and filled with dread.  Seriously,  what the hell is this??  The Bronx is coming back to haunt me NOW??

I guess it makes sense.  I'd just signed a contract to start teaching again.  


But I really thought I'd put the horrors of those years behind me.  I'd worked hard enough the last year and a half, putting what I thought was enough distance.....

 and sufficient layers of haze .....

and then even MORE distance......

and layer, upon layer, upon layer of haze.....

between myself and that New York City borough that I loathe.

Yet here I am, a nervous wreck; jolting awake in the middle of the night to hear the voice of my former military-turned-prison guard-turned-Principle bellowing inside my head.  (On a side note, nightmares are generally considered to be scary fantasy worlds that haunt you during sleep...  I guess what I was having weren't really 'nightmares' so much as they were 'memories').

During a time when I should be preparing myself for the wonderful excitement of moving to a different country, meeting new people and having exciting, new experiences, I found myself worrying that the plane would take an unexpected detour and I'd land back in the ol' BX.

To my great relief, the wonderful crew of Korean Air, flight 0038 followed their flight instructions and I arrived safely in Seoul, South Korea.

I'm now living in Giheung-Gu, Yongin, which is a suburb of Seoul.  And I gotta say, this place is not at all like the Bronx.  For real. Not even a little bit.

This school is like a brand new, sparkling fantasy world filled with candy, and smiles, and hugs!

Here's a classroom:





Here's the auditorium/play area...

 ...and the library...

...and the copy machine (with PAPER!)

...and ME!

 

Look! School supplies! (I didn't even have to buy them myself!)




All I've gotta say is, I've been sleeping real well in Korea.